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Every Child Needs to Be Seen Author: Gordon Neufeld/Gabor Mattei/Wu Zhihong Publisher: Beijing United Publishing Company Original title: Hold on to Your Kids
Every Child Needs to Be Seen Author: Gordon Neufeld/Gabor Mattei/Wu Zhihong Publisher: Beijing United Publishing Company Original title: Hold on to Your Kids
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Description
Introduction · · · · · ·
Many parents often say, "How can I not understand my children?" But the fact is, almost all parents have never truly felt their children's hearts or seen their children's deepest desires.
Dr. Gordon Neufeld, a child behavior psychologist, found through more than 40 years of research that parents see their children's behavioral problems such as rebellion, aggression, and bullying, but they do not see the inner desires and lost direction hidden behind the behavior. If the inner desires are deeply hidden and ignored, and no accurate response is given, the child will be lost and alienated from the parents, which makes it even more difficult for parents to see their children.
In such a vicious cycle, the child's accumulated sense of loss will eventually turn into problems in his or her original family that affect his or her adulthood.
Therefore, the author suggests that parents need to truly see their children and establish a good attachment relationship with them. In an environment of positive response and active seeing, children can be fully satisfied in their hearts and form a healthy self in adulthood and have the ability to obtain happiness.
About the Author · · · · · ·
Dr. Gordon Neufeld is a famous Canadian child development psychologist with more than 40 years of experience in child and adolescent development research and an international authority in the field of child development. He is good at simplifying complex problems and seeing the essence through phenomena. He is committed to helping more children with the help of applied scientific development methods.
Gabor Mattei is a bestselling author whose books have been translated into 25 languages.
Table of contents · · · · · ·
Behind behavioral problems, there are almost always relationship problems.
Missing roles, misaligned direction006
Once a favorable relationship is established, an unfavorable relationship will no longer occur.
Just because children don’t say it doesn’t mean they don’t need it010
Chapter 2 Attachment Relationship, the Basis of All Social Relationships 013
Attachment: Gravity in Relationships 015
Children need to find direction in relationships017
Betrayal on the surface, conflict on the inside
Closeness and Distance: The Two Sides of a Coin
Chapter 3: Original, Derived, and Substitute Relations 028
Security Circle Outside the Base: Derived Relationship 029
Emotional "affair", relationship replaced030
6 forms of establishing primary attachment relationships
Chapter 4 Education is a power relationship039
Loss of Natural Parenting Authority041
Relationships give the right to educate
Ignoring children while labeling them045
Chapter 5 Attachment, putting the relationship back in place 049
Parents are parents, children are children050
The driving force behind parents' willingness
Make children willing to listen to their parents057
Bringing children closer to their parents058
Let parents become role models for their children060
Let parents become the guides of their children061
Make children willing to work hard for their parents
Part 2: Children who are not seen have difficulty in developing a healthy self Chapter 6: Rebellious Psychology 068
Parent-child relationship weakens, rebellious psychology strengthens
The dual effects of reverse psychology072
False Independence076
Demonstration and Submission078
Assistance or Pressure 080
Chapter 7: Escape from Feelings 084
Not being able to feel vulnerable is also a psychological trauma086
Children who are alienated from their parents lose their natural protection against stress.
Children who are alienated from their parents are more likely to be harmed by their peers
Children who are alienated from their parents are unable to express vulnerability.
Companionship is inherently unsafe
Chapter 8: "Preschool Syndrome" in Over-Aged Children 099
Mature on the outside like an adult, childish on the inside like a child102
Maturity: A Concerto of Division and Cohesion103
Be independent in personality and dependent in emotion107
Children cannot see their parents, and parents cannot see their children112
Chapter 9 Frustration and Aggression 123
The more distant the relationship with parents, the more likely they are to become aggressive.
Lack of parent-child relationship stimulates children's aggression130
Chapter 10 Bullying Issues 138
The more distant the relationship with parents, the more likely they are to face bullying141
Children who lack a sense of security are likely to become bullies144
Bullying is to satisfy the hunger for attachment146
The more absent the parents are, the more likely the children will be hurt.
Bullying makes children less visible151
Fragile creatures under a hard shell153
Chapter 11 Distorted Sexual Consciousness 158
Sex, manifestations of attachment hunger 161
Sex, a Way to Escape Vulnerability162
Relationship first, sex later166
Chapter 12 Poor Performance 169
Only when the attachment relationship is stable can children have the courage to explore the unknown world171
Comprehensive ability, a quality that immature children lack 172
If you avoid being vulnerable, you lose the opportunity to make mistakes.
Attachment, the final motivation for learning 175
To open the door to learning, win the hearts of children first177
Chapter 13 Children's Social Problems 179
Is Shyness a Defect?179
Playing more with children does not improve their social skills
Children need attachment more than friends184
Peers cannot relieve children's boredom186
Communicating with peers does not improve children's self-esteem189
Peers cannot replace brothers and sisters191
Attachment Competition 193
Part 3 Seeing the Child, Seeing Myself Chapter 14 Let the Child Return Home 200
Build a friendly relationship with your children202
Give your child something to hold onto206
Encourage children to rely on 211
Be a beacon for children214
Bringing the children back home
Chapter 15 Let your child know that he is seen 221
Unconditionally accept the needs of children222
Repair the relationship first, then correct the behavior224
Don't give others the chance to replace you227
Even though we are physically separated, we should still keep in touch with each other in spirit.
Cultivate a sense of intimacy that cannot be replaced by others230
Don't force your child to get close to you231
Chapter 16 Awakening Parents' Parenting Intuition 234
Parents need to be disciplined
Seven Principles of Natural Discipline239
Part 4 How to Protect Our Children in the Digital Age Chapter 17 The Distorted Digital Revolution 260
We need relationships, not messages261
Why do children feel empty?
Attachment in the digital age: Gaming, cyberbullying, and pornography269
Chapter 18 Bringing Back the Children Lost in the Digital Age 272
Social Opportunities in the Digital Age275
Eliminating the temptations of the digital age for children276
Play first to satisfy attachment, then play video games278
Be a child first, then understand the world281
Parents are buffers between children and the world, not media
Reclaiming the "Lost" Child285
